Surrogacy Chronicles - Just a Bump in the Road

    It's taken me some time to really sit and write the words to express and explain the journey my life took us this last year. Sometimes it's hard to put pen to paper and write those feelings down. Finally, I have done it. I've done it more for myself, but I also want to share my journey.

    In March 2023, Tammy and I went to NYC for my first transfer for my surrogacy. It was a truly an amazing weekend with my wife, a much needed one for sure. No kids and the city to explore. We really took time for us, as well as, getting to finally meet our Intended Parents. 

Tammy focusing very hard on giving
me the first of many shots. 

    The month prior to this trip, I had been preparing my body for this moment. With all the shots, meds and fun hormonal side effects (sorry Tammy), we were excited to get to this point and I was mentally prepared for our first transfer. It had been almost a year since we started on this journey, and we were ready to see it all come to light. 

    Finally meeting our IPs for the first time, not via zoom or a phone call, was fantastic and they are everything we had truly hoped for! It's interesting when you have built such a beautiful relationship with a stranger via text, calls and zoom, then they are standing right in front of you. My heart was so filled with joy in those moments (and it still is). Anyone that knows me, knows that I am a hugger, and it was so fulfilling to be able to hug the person that I was going to give a baby to!

This was not a cute look for me. 

    The transfer was quick, painless and it honestly took me longer to get dressed in my green hospital gown and cap, than it did for the actual transfer. At one point, I had to make a decision, have Tammy in the room with me or the Intended Mother. I let them two battle it out and my heart was filled again when they intended mother walked into the room. To me, there was no awkwardness at all. It was like I've known her for years. This was what we wanted to find in a family but, that's a story for another day! 

    After the quick transfer, we headed back to our hotel, got ready for dinner and spent the next few hours at really getting to know our IPs and them getting to know us more. I didn't want it to end! A couple of days later, we headed home, and I knew within that first week, that it had worked! 

    Blood tests confirmed this about 10 days after transfer. All those pregnancy feelings were there, and I was ready for the joys of pregnancy (yes, I am the exception, the one that LOVES being pregnant). Over the next week or two, we continued monitoring my bloodwork to make sure my levels were going up and they were. Not as high as the clinic would like but it was going up. Every pregnancy is different, and this was always in my head. 

    I am sad to say that the week of April vacation, while away with the family, I woke Wednesday morning to see the one thing every woman fears. I was in the beginning stages of miscarrying. I was so heartbroken for my IPs. They have been waiting for this moment for so long and I just wanted to do the one thing I knew I could do, grow a baby for them! 

    Thursday, when we got back from vacation, I headed back into NYC on my own to be monitored by the clinic. This was a tough trip to do by myself, but it needed to be done and the clinic was truly understanding and helpful with this process. I headed home Friday afternoon to be with my family and let nature take its course. At sad as that sounds, it was my family, close friends and our IPs that helped me through all the pain. 

    On Monday, I passed the fetus completely and the pain had finally lifted. When I say that I am mentally ok, I mean just that. In 2013, when Tammy and I lost our first child, I was lost, broken and completely depressed. I thought it was my fault and I couldn't talk to anyone about this. Now, I had a whole village of people to talk to. We knew that we were going to try again, and the next transfer wouldn't happen again till August. 

    August came and went with a transfer and sadly no pregnancy. This time it did not take like we had hoped. We consulted with the clinic and our IPs, and we knew that another transfer was what we all wanted. I was ready for it, and I know they were as well. 

    I started meds again in October and our plan was to transfer on early November. Tammy and I did this trip on our own and we were 100% ok with it. We know personally, how hard it can be with infertility and the constant disappointment. We understood the break that needed to be taken to just breath. The trip was great, relaxing and we really enjoyed each other. 

    Two days after transfer, I knew. I knew with my whole heart that this was it. I could feel it and the blood work proved it 9 days later! We have a positive! Now we are off for another trip to NYC (This was our 6th in a year). This time, we are bringing the kids along.

    We arrived in the city on Friday, and I went right to my ultrasound appointment. This was huge for us because we were looking for 2 things, a heartbeat and a growing baby. We got both of those. We were 5 week and 5 days at that point and seeing that baby's heartbeat was a very happy moment for us. The mother was on a call with me and was able to hear her little one's heartbeat. It was magical and yes, of course I cried!

14 Weeks Pregnant with Surro Baby

    We are currently 15 weeks pregnant, and baby is doing so good. It has been very hard to keep this secret but in the coming weeks, my belly will grow more and more and "hiding" it will get a lot harder! All blood work has come back low risk, even though I'm a geriatric pregnancy, I feel great! 

    I want to thank every single person that has been on this journey with us thus far. It has been a truly amazing experience, and it just keeps getting better. We can't wait to share so much more with everyone but please understand that we can only share so much. It is the privacy of our IPs that we hold dear to us and the privacy of this baby. You'll get all the bump pictures and crazy cravings, but ultrasound photos and their story are for them to share.  

    Please ask questions! I will answer if I can, but I truly am an open book! I want people to see and realize that everyone's surrogacy journey is different. I have friends that it happened the first time and some it did not happen at all. One last thing, if you know someone who has been through infertility or been through the IVF process, PLEASE give them a hug, pat on the back and tell them how amazing and strong they are. It is not an easy thing to do but we do it because we know the end result and I know my end result was being able to place a beautiful baby in the hands of a truly amazing family!