Poopscapade
Harper, Aberdeen and I take a trip to Target early in the morning after we drop off the wife at work! It's the best time to go because there is barely anyone there, so no fighting over the self checkout lane about who got to the line first (don't laugh, it's happened). I get the big red cart outside because it is much easier than holding a 3 year olds hand, who just wants to run, while juggling a baby carrier. Smart move on my part and I have not had my coffee yet so no excersise for me until that has been consumed!
Now we have been potty training Harper for the last 2 weeks and he is doing great! He is currently wearing a pull up during this trip but I want to get him in the habit of going to the bathroom when you get somewhere or before you leave! Since we got the cart outside, it's now time to get everyone out and into the potty. I'm not going to lie, I prayed a little that no one took the cart because I did not want to have to find another one (someone didn't do their job last night)! We all go potty. No problem, now we start our shopping!
If you have ever been into Target before it is a big square and I usually go all the way around to get the things we need, oh and it's not a small store at all! First we go get a nail file. Next is off to get a folder for Harper for school! Well the isle doesn't have any, hard to believe. A guy sees me looking around while I chat to Harper about the new folder we are going to get. He is nice enough to tell me that the school stuff is ALL the way in the back corner of the store, the seasonal section! Off we go!
I should have picked the folder out myself but I figure why not let him pick out his own folder for his first school year! 8 different folder options later and he wants none of them because they all have holes. I explain it's for a binder and now he wants a binder to go with it (read "if you give a mouse a cookie" this will sound familiar). Nope not happening kid, just pick a folder. He picks the pink one with a Cupcake on it! He loves it, Thank god!
One more thing to get and that's when I start to feel it. My stomach starts to turn and at that moment I realize I need to poop. Seriously... why now?? I'm all the way at the other end of the store and now my body decides it's time. Not when I first got here but after I've walked a little. I think... aaahhhh I was "working it up"... awesome! Instead of me going straight for the bathroom, I decide I need to get that one last item because I do not want to go back. I snag the bra pads and high tail it to the potty!
I start off with a fast walk which turns into a jog with 2 kids in my cart and Harper asking why we are going so fast! In my head I'm planning how I'm going to get 2 kids out of a cart and into the bathroom fast enough for me to not shit my pants! I think lifting the 40 lb kid would have done it. Ever want to know if the big red cats fit into the bathroom? I can tell you they do! I say to Harper "Hands in buddy, this is going to be tight". Around the first corner good, second corner, that was close. Into the handicap stall, I get really close to the door and... BAM (insert bloody murder scream)! Harper's hand is now squished between the door and cart! I rush into the stall, lock the door, drop my pants and do my business, all the while I'm holding his hand. I tell him it's ok and I kiss his hand and tell him I'm sorry. I did warn him, I feel bad but I gave fair warning about putting his hands in!
When you go into the bathroom, the main door is always opened. Now I'm thinking, oh my god, someone heard that scream and now people are going to come running while I'm in the bathroom trying to poop with a crying kid and a giant red cart in the handicap stall! Awesome!! Thank god for Aberdeen's silence in all this. We leave the store without one person asking if everything is ok and not even a glance in our direction. Crisis averted!
Oh you thought that poop story was going to be about Harper!! Haha... you were so mistaken!
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