Becoming a better Parent
We started class with an introduction of who we are and who are children are, you know the quick little intro we all love when meeting new people. Next, we worked our way through a video and stopping to talk about each section. We stopped at one spot and they asked "what is something you do not want to use from your childhood?" I instantly started to cry.
1. I'm an emotional human and I can't even begin to explain how a lot of stuff makes me cry. I even angry cry... it's bad!
2. The last thing I want to do is judge how my parents parented (that doesn't sound right but you get what I'm saying).
3. I came to a quick realization that it was happening. Now that's why I'm here. There are all these hidden feelings that I didn't even know existed and now they are about to be laid out for everyone to see!
Yelling and anger... I don't want my children to see that. I don't want them to grow up in a home where there is more yelling than fun. All this time I thought, well I grew up that way and I'm a loud person so that is probably how it will always be and my kids will be the same way. Why? Why should I have to go through their life like that? Why should I pass that on to them? I've changed my fate before and behaviors that I was shown, so why not now! Did you know that a child's brain does not fully develop till they are 28. Yes, 28 years old, an adult! Guess what? I still have time!
Now, if you are thinking this is an easy thing to write, it's not. Because my mom and dad could be reading this. That's why this is hard for me to admit out loud. I love my parents. They did so much for us kids. My mother especially. She worked so hard through some really rough times to make sure that we had everything that we needed. She made sure we had food in our bellies, a roof over our head and love in our hearts! They both always showed us so much love. From what I can remember, my father was absent through a lot of my younger years and then some. Addiction is a very hard thing and I do not wish it upon anyone. I won't go into detail because I'm sure it will bring out more of a fun post for you all to enjoy!
The yelling wasn't always towards us kids, let's be real, kids will be kids and as much as I think I was an angel (I know I was) I got yelled at for doing bad things. My parents fought, never hitting but words can hit pretty hard. It was tough. In my teen years, I was watching my friends parents get divorced and wishing mine would. That's awful to admit but it is true. I didn't want my parents to be so angry at each other. When they finally did divorce it wasn't till I was graduating high school. Why did it take so long? I think mainly it was because my mother thought that it was better to wait when we got older vs. us being a young age. I did not agree but that was her choice and I will never hold that against her. I'm sure it was very hard for her to do! I remember my father being so heart broken and depressed. His addiction only got worse. What I didn't realize was the reason for their fights was my father's addiction. The yelling and anger was because of his addiction and his inability to stay clean. It was hard for us all!
Tammy and I have such an open communication about everything and I have talked about the yelling with her. If we need to discuss something and there may be a heated argument, then we don't do it in front of the kids. Are there times that it has happened anyway, yes but we are only human. The yelling at our children is what we need to work on and we are. Now don't get this crazy idea that we are screaming at our child 100% of the time and we aren't communicating with him. Harper is go go go 100% of the time. He stops when he sleeps and even then he is still moving. It's hard when you are having a bad, emotional or hard day. He is a handful and we know this first hand. I don't want to yell at all. You know when it will stop happening? When I start understanding him and how he works. I'm still learning and trying to understand what makes Harper tick. Why does he do the things he does? Why doesn't he listen to us? How can he repeat what we say but still do the same thing over and over? Because he knows how we tick.
What I learned from this class:
I have time to change.
I need to watch, wait and react differently.
I need to remember that they are little humans.
I need to realize that we are his security.
I need to understand that I am also only human.
I will never be a perfect parent but I'll be a better parent for my children.
I will also bring all the great and amazing things my parents taught me and still teach me every day.
I really hope this helps some of you. I know it can be hard to talk about how you feel as a parent without feeling like you are getting judged or having complete guilt. I get it. I'm there! Even writing this I am thinking it! But not everything is going to work the same for each kid. It may not work for you but maybe something will click and help. Don't be afraid to talk about it. I am always here!
For now, I will work one day at a time with my emotions. I will take a deep breath and walk away if needed. I will remember that my actions will reflect onto him. He is a free spirit with a big heart and a strong independence.
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