I'm going to hold her while she sleeps!

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Today while Harper is napping I'm laying here with my beautiful daughter sleeping soundly on my chest. Yeah, probably not the best thing or maybe a bad habit to start with her but I don't care. I don't care that the transition to crib for naps will be difficult because I've spoiled her to cuddle with her mommy every day! Here is why I don't care.

She is my last baby. She is the last one that I get to cuddle when I want to without her pushing me away. I can give her all the kisses and hugs I want while she sleeps. I can admire all the little things about her that I love! One day she will tell me not to cuddle her or to give her some space or to not give her a kiss in front of her friends. Yes, it may not last for long and she will ask for her mommy but I'm going to steal the snuggles while I can. I'm going to enjoy the look she will give me when she wakes up knowing damn well she has me wrapped around her little finger. 

She is the last one I will breast feed to sleep. Yes, I do it a lot.  I nurse until she is soundly asleep because the day she pushes away because she no longer wants to will be a hard day for me. I will hurt a little inside because of the connection we built. We will build a new connection in a different way but this bond is different. When this does happen, I may need to stay away from all breastfeeding moms for a little so I don't break down in the middle of a get together! 

She is the last one that will sleep in our room. Surprise... she is still sleeping in our room and I am not ready for her to move out of it. I want her to stay for as long as I can (or until she grows out of the rock n play) because sometimes at night when I wake, I put my hand in her rock n play just to hold it. To remind me that she is there, she is our little girl and she is our last little baby! Bad habit again because now sometimes that's the only way she will fall asleep. Sorry Tammy for the nights I work!

So, I will continue to hold this little girl while she sleeps until I'm ready. Until she pushes me away or until I realize that I actually have stuff to do around the house and laying on the couch for 2 hours doing nothing is not feasible! Tomorrow I'll get all that stuff done or later when the kids are sleeping. 

To all you new mommies out there, the ones that little ones aren't sleeping at night or during the day so you hold them. It's ok! Continue to hold those babies because one day they won't be babies anymore! If the way they sleep is on you, you do you and keep it up! You are giving and showing the babies all the love you have for them and so much more. Screw the mom shammers or the people that are telling you not to do it. You do what's right for your baby and what feels right to you! You snuggle those babies till the dishes pile up, you have no more clean underwear or until you've binge watched all the shows you wanted. Just know, you won't be the only mommy doing it! 

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